Let Him Freeze

Continuing my rant on inappropriate songs – let’s move on to the worst of all. Baby, it’s Cold Outside.

It’s like looking into the mind of a sex offender. The boy won’t take no for an answer!

Girl: I really can’t stay
Boy: But baby, it’s cold outside
Girl: I’ve got to go away
(run girl, run)
Boy: But baby, it’s cold outside
(He really doesn’t have much of an argument.)
Girl: My mother will start to worry, My father will be pacing the floor
Boy: Beautiful what’s your hurry? Listen to the fireplace roar
(OK, he’s starting to get creepy.)
Girl: So really I’d better scurry
Boy: Beautiful, please don’t hurry *hands her glass*
Girl: But maybe just a half a drink more
Boy: *Put some records on while I pour*
Girl: The neighbors might think
Boy: Baby, it’s bad out there
(Great he’s back to that again.)
Girl: Say what’s in this drink?
(It’s drugged!)
Boy: No cabs to be had out there
(It’s an excuse!)
Girl: I wish I knew how to break this spell
(I’m telling you he drugged you! Stop drinking. Call a cop!)
Boy: Your eyes are like starlight now
(Don’t believe him. He’s just checking to see if the drugs are working.)
Boy: *I’ll take your hat,* your hair looks swell.
(Stop him! He’s starting to undress you!)
Girl: I ought to say, “No, no, no sir” *At least I’m gonna say that I tried*
(That won’t hold up in court.)
Boy: Mind if I move in closer? What’s the sense in hurtin’ my pride?
(I’m getting shivers. He’s making my skin crawl!)
Girl: I really can’t stay
Boy: *Oh baby don’t hold out* Ah, but it’s cold outside
(He just won’t give up on that!)
Girl: I simply must go
(Keep trying girl!)
Boy: But baby, it’s cold outside
(Shut up already!)
Girl: The answer is no
(YES!)
Boy: But baby, it’s cold outside
(Not only no – hell no!)
Girl: Your welcome has been so nice and warm
(Stop being diplomatic.)
Boy: Look out the window at the snow
(He should go lay in it!)
Girl: My sister will be suspicious, My brother will be there at the door
(You need him there now!)
Boy: Gosh your lips look delicious *moves in and kisses her* Waves upon the tropical shore, Gosh your lips are delicious
(Get him off you! He’s demented.)
Girl: But maybe just a cigarette more
(Use it to burn his eyes out!)
Girl: I’ve gotta get home
Boy: But baby, you’d freeze out there
(You’d be safer out there!)
Girl: Say lend me a coat
(Forget it!)
Boy: It’s up to your knees out there
(You’re in over your head in here!)
Girl: You’ve really been grand, But don’t you see? There’s bound to be talk tomorrow. At least there will be plenty implied
Boy: *I thrill when you touch my hand.* How can you do this thing to me?
(Don’t pity him, he’s sick and needs help.)
Boy: *Think of my lifelong sorrow*
(He’ll get over it with the next girl.)
Boy: If you got pneumonia and died.
(He should go die!)
Girl: I really can’t stay
Boy: Get over that old out
(Did he really just say that!)
Girl: Baby, it’s cold *opens the door and throws boy out. Locks door – calls cops*
Boy: Baby, it’s cold outside
(And that’s where you can stay till the cops come!)

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