I didn’t discover I was Bipolar till after I had my daughters, but the signs were all there and Dirk’s and my journey to discovery starting with us deciding to get married. At the time I was only nineteen, but he was twenty-one, and his mother was dead set against us getting married – I had my first emotional breakdown while listening to my future mother-in-law belittle me -refusing to let Dirk marry me. Luckily he didn’t listen to her. Up until two days before the wedding, she wasn’t coming. She caused a lot of stress in our marriage till she died of cancer in 2000.
We learned I was pregnant with our first child soon after my second breast surgery and turning twenty, but at six months in I pulled the muscles that hold the womb (see I told you records are important – Hip incident) and was put on bed rest. I also had to use a sling for the last three months. My first daughter was born August 1994 – after pushing her way out – literally. She was willing and ready to greet the world, but my body would not go into hard labor, even with Pitocin they had a hard time regulating me, either I would shoot off like a skyrocket – with a tiny bit given – or would stop.
I developed a severe case of Bronchitis and Phenomena that lasted for four months and into the start of my next pregnancy. My health was poor throughout, and I still had problems with the muscles that hold the womb, having to wear the sling for the whole pregnancy. At three months I ripped the placenta away from the uterus wall and was confined to bed for the remainder of the pregnancy. My second daughter was born September 1996 after the same Pitocin ordeal. I was twenty-two years old.
Because of the emotional and physical stress of the pregnancy, I went into a depression which at the time they thought was post-pardon till after six months and off the meds I started to get worse than before – throwing things, hiding/running away. I was sent for psychological treatment, and that open the can of worms – Bipolar Disorder.
So now with being a new mother of two very active girls I had to start to learn, deal and manage my emotional problems, I had to handle an overbearing mother-in-law, who now wanted us to divorce. Medication was not enough as my physical health started to deteriorate quickly and my anxiety grew.
It was during this time that the doctors determine that more children would be a hazard to my health (No More Cooking) and came to the conclusion that Dirk should have a vasectomy to prevent future pregnancy. It is much easier for men to have this procedure than to snip women’s tubes unless they have just had the baby.
They discovered I had asthma and was allergic to the world -I’m not joking about that – when I started breaking out in hives over all my body. Giving me Benadryl or Ibuprofen only made it worse – in fact, I couldn’t breath, would swell up and become very sick to my stomach. After doing many tests – that needed to be stopped way before the allotted time – we discovered I’m highly allergic to all pollens, trees, grasses, molds, nuts and most pet danders. I have a high intolerance for most medications, all unnatural sugars, most seeded fruits, and a lot of chemicals.
Around age twenty-five, my back started to give me major problem along with inconsistent periods, which we thought at the time was due to the herniated disc that they discovered in my lower back. (same place I hit when thrown from the rodeo horse) What started out at two became four after I slipped and fell on our steep basement stairs a few months later.
The rest of my twenties was spent in bed depressed, gaining weight from the pills and angry at the world as I had to find a balance between medication, food, and health. I also had another emotional trauma with a physical therapist/masseuse who took advantage of me. I have a had time remembering things that happen during this time due to the medications and stress – I rely on Dirk to fill the gaps.