Sweet Nothings 

Since the begging of time – ok let me rephrase that.

Since the beginning of our marriage, I have come up short when it comes to bedtime comfort. My husband has won on all battlegrounds to space, coverage, and timing. I never fall asleep before him – unless sick. Due to synchronized rolling the blanket end up on his side and the man sleep like an octopus or heat seeking lizard, very cuddly. For the first part of our marriage, my side of the bed was to a wall to keep me from being pushed off.

After twenty years there have been improvements, but for the most part, I have accepted my fate and love to harass him for it. Imagine my surprise when I woke up the one night to discover I was in the middle of the bed and crowding in on his side.

The reason was, of course, the thick comforter had listed off to his side leaving me exposed to the harsh winter elements. In my attempt to reposition myself back onto my pillow my husband started to stir and mumble something. Thinking he was asking me what was up, I began to sass while pulling them back to my side.

Me: No more blankets for you!
Dirk: muttering
Me: What?
Dirk: More muttering
Me: What did you say?
Dirk: (Barely audible) Nobody’s home.

And truly nobody was since he has no recollection of the whole event.

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