Inherited traits

My parents came up to help us with some projects around our place. As the men worked outside, the women attended to the filthy layers of dog hair, dust bunnies and cobwebs that had built up since the beginning of the year – (when all the chaos started).

As we cleaned it became clear that both of us was OCD-ing and they were starting to clash. When I tried to complain about our disagreement she brought up a good point. If I was going to inherit anything I should be grateful it was the OCD and not Alcoholism – which runs rampant in my family.

I do a lot of drinking (non-alcoholic) when I’m depressed since I don’t eat – all my will to move is gone. It’s not healthy – it causes other problems both physically and emotionally for me and my family – who has to watch.

I’m glad I can’t handle caffeine – might as well as give me speed – I hate to think what alcohol would do to me.

Things that go bump

While scrolling through funny memes I was reminded of an event that happened when I was a teenager- my parents had taken me to see Phantom of the Opera for my graduation present, and I had picked up a shirt with the phantoms mask – I was so excited to wear it to school the next day that I had laid it over a chair so the design wouldn’t crease before going to bed.

In the middle of the night I woke up – rolled over and found myself staring into a pale face! Many thoughts ran through my head – had someone broken into the house, was I going to be kidnaped, what could I grab to defend myself, could I at least put on clothes – and that’s when I realized I was looking at my new shirt. The mask part was glowing and it looked like someone was looking at me in the moonlight. 

I don’t leave that shirt out at night anymore.

Form VS Function 

Our adventures in Karavaning have officially beat me to a pulp, I could hardly get up for more than two hours at a time before having to crash again. My body is trying to decide if it wants to seize up or give up while my mind is still running in manic mode. I know I have had times when my depression will affect my thoughts and speech but this time it’s because I’m so exhausted that the function is not there. My Mind is forming all the words and thoughts but it’s coming out in mumbled spats. They don’t even count as sentences.

Sweet Nothings 

Since the begging of time – ok let me rephrase that.

Since the beginning of our marriage, I have come up short when it comes to bedtime comfort. My husband has won on all battlegrounds to space, coverage, and timing. I never fall asleep before him – unless sick. Due to synchronized rolling the blanket end up on his side and the man sleep like an octopus or heat seeking lizard, very cuddly. For the first part of our marriage, my side of the bed was to a wall to keep me from being pushed off.

After twenty years there have been improvements, but for the most part, I have accepted my fate and love to harass him for it. Imagine my surprise when I woke up the one night to discover I was in the middle of the bed and crowding in on his side.

The reason was, of course, the thick comforter had listed off to his side leaving me exposed to the harsh winter elements. In my attempt to reposition myself back onto my pillow my husband started to stir and mumble something. Thinking he was asking me what was up, I began to sass while pulling them back to my side.

Me: No more blankets for you!
Dirk: muttering
Me: What?
Dirk: More muttering
Me: What did you say?
Dirk: (Barely audible) Nobody’s home.

And truly nobody was since he has no recollection of the whole event.

Medical History – Raging Twenties

I didn’t discover I was Bipolar till after I had my daughters, but the signs were all there and Dirk’s and my journey to discovery starting with us deciding to get married. At the time I was only nineteen, but he was twenty-one, and his mother was dead set against us getting married – I had my first emotional breakdown while listening to my future mother-in-law belittle me -refusing to let Dirk marry me. Luckily he didn’t listen to her. Up until two days before the wedding, she wasn’t coming.  She caused a lot of stress in our marriage till she died of cancer in 2000.

We learned I was pregnant with our first child soon after my second breast surgery and turning twenty, but at six months in I pulled the muscles that hold the womb (see I told you records are important – Hip incident) and was put on bed rest. I also had to use a sling for the last three months. My first daughter was born August 1994 – after pushing her way out – literally. She was willing and ready to greet the world, but my body would not go into hard labor, even with Pitocin they had a hard time regulating me, either I would shoot off like a skyrocket – with a tiny bit given – or would stop.

I developed a severe case of Bronchitis and Phenomena that lasted for four months and into the start of my next pregnancy. My health was poor throughout, and I still had problems with the muscles that hold the womb, having to wear the sling for the whole pregnancy. At three months I ripped the placenta away from the uterus wall and was confined to bed for the remainder of the pregnancy. My second daughter was born September 1996 after the same Pitocin ordeal. I was twenty-two years old.

Because of the emotional and physical stress of the pregnancy, I went into a depression which at the time they thought was post-pardon till after six months and off the meds I started to get worse than before – throwing things, hiding/running away. I was sent for psychological treatment, and that open the can of worms – Bipolar Disorder.

So now with being a new mother of two very active girls I had to start to learn, deal and manage my emotional problems, I had to handle an overbearing mother-in-law, who now wanted us to divorce. Medication was not enough as my physical health started to deteriorate quickly and my anxiety Continue reading

Medical History – the Early Years

Ever get tired of explaining your medical history to a doctor even after they are holding the three-page report in their hands. It amazes me that even when they ask for it, they never take the time to read it. I’m going to be breaking up this up into sections – there is a lot to tell. lol

I had a late start on life, by two weeks. Not sure if it was me or my mom deciding not to have kids at the last minute, but into the world, I came and made a big impression within a few month. Weighing in at twenty-five pounds at three months. Luckily I stayed that way till I way three years old, but we always wondered what that weight did to my early bone structure.

There were two times that I almost drowned. Once at age six months at Lake Powell and around age three on the Pacific beach. I have also been known to walk on water – running from water moccasins. (story to come)

When I was five years old, I started seeing a chiropractor because they thought I had scoliosis, this started my lifetime love begging to be popped. It was also around this age that I received 2nd-degree burn over most of my back after falling asleep next to a fireplace – was dying off after getting out of the bath. Dried off a little too much.

At age six, we discovered that I have Herpes simplex 1. Passed down from my father, who got it from his mother. If you don’t know anything about cold sores, you should be aware that they are not genetic, but will be hereditary because they are viral. We learned that to keep my kids from getting them while young, that whenever I had outbreaks that I should not be around them.  I get it in my right eye, mouth and one in a while, my ears and nose. The cornea of my eye is warped, and as long as it doesn’t get any worse, I won’t have to have the transplant. I was told that seven years ago – so far so good.

The summer of my seventh year was my first known concussion – An aerosol canister exploded into the back of my head. You can read that story under I Shouldn’t Be Alive.  I said first known because I’ve lost count how many times I’ve been knocked unconscious, but it all comes back to this being the root of the problem.

My ninth spring year I ran a pitchfork almost all the way through my left foot – didn’t break the skin through the top but you could see the metal trying to push up. My toes tend to lock up and cramp easily because my foot can’t flex as well as the other. This is also the same side that gets more charlie horses.

My first big horse training accident happened when I was eleven – a mare kicked me in the shoulder blade and chin – still have the scars and dislocating jaw to prove it. Followed by being thrown the next spring into a steel post by the same mare. After a few more rodeos my mother decided that the horse needed to go – that and the horse was crazy enough to rip her hoof off.

From the age fifteen to sixteen I was knocked out several times – was ran into by athletes while cheering (on numerous occasions) or had a ping pong paddle thrown at the back of my head to name a couple. My future husband and friend accidently spilled hot wax into my left ear when I was sixteen. Burning the channel and making me partial hard of hearing. I tease my husband about it – that it has something to do with my vertigo.

My first surgery was when I was sixteen on my left knee. They cut nine inches of muscle away from the bone so that my knee cap could return to its proper place – also repaired the chips and cracks in the knee cap. Had to wait till after I recovered to get my driver license. The next two surgeries, when I was seventeen – were on both my ankles. They removed two extra bones. The day after my nineteenth birthday, I had a fibrosis tumor removed from my right breast. Little less than a year later,  another fibrosis tumor was removed this time from my left breast. (stories to come)

Also when I was seventeen, I slid from my horse bareback – riding in stormy weather -into another steel post and damaged my right hip. This was two week before I graduated from high school and my entire side of my right leg and hip was still bruised as I picked up my diploma. In college, I played a stupid game off of a tall slide – lost and broke my tailbone.

I also have had a few emotional traumas – attempted rape when I was four and abusive boyfriend in high school, it was also during my sophomore year that I attempted to comment suicide twice, but I will not tell those stories here. (story to come)

What sounds like something not important, could play a big part in your future. Keep records – you never know how things will relate.