I wish I could be like a horse and just pass gas in someone’s face and not have any problems with it.
I remembered an old joke about a couple who were traveling when the call of nature hit urgently, and the only place they could find was a biker bar. As they asked where the bathroom was, they could feel all faces on them.
‘It’s upstairs on your left they were told’ – the wife took off, leaving the husband behind to deal the loud and rough group in the room. Entering the first left-hand door, she was surprised to find a small room with only a tin can sticking out of the floor, but she could not stop – she had to go.
Finished with her dirty deed, she was glad to have her purse and extra supplies so she could clean up before returning downstairs but that is when she noticed how quiet it was. Afraid for her husband’s life she hurried down to find the bar empty and smelling rank. It was by far the worst bar she had ever been in and would certainly be leaving a nasty comment about it. Heading outside she found her husband along with all the bar patrons in animated conversation while spraying themselves down with water.
As it was a hot day, she thought maybe it was some kind of fun activity and joined her husband. After the wash down the men starting talking about the incident.
‘Which incident,’ she asked.
The men look at her in disbelief. ‘Where were you when the Shit hit the fan?’
That was the joke, but I have always wondered what happened after that. My life right now seems to be at that stage – crap everywhere, and I’m not sure how or where to start the clean-up. Sometimes I wish I could be like the monkeys from Madagascar – ‘Of course, we are going to fling poo’ or ‘If you have poo, fling it now.’ At least I could get rid of it.
Now I love my random state of mind, but I regret that it has affected my children too until it manifests itself in total comedy.
My youngest daughter and her friend were making breakfast while I was sharing a new challenge off Facebook.
The task was simply, name an animal that didn’t have the letter ‘A’ in it.
“Horse.” The friend said
“Dog,” I added
And my daughter’s most earnest reply, “Bananas.”
The day after we moved two of our horse into our new pasture Tommy cut his pastern up (back of his lower leg); required stitches and two weeks of confinement to heal. Our dog Hickory was feeling left out from all the attention I was having to give towards Tommy and decided she needed special care too. She got it a week later when she sliced her paw pad open and was required to go through stitches and two weeks of rest also.
Many months passed and all was fine till while in the midst of having a complete overwhelming month Tommy started colicing on me one morning. Being by myself was not easy but a neighbor was able to come help and the vet was able to get there promptly. Tommy was recovering by that afternoon and before I had left his side had discovered that after all that I had been though with Tommy had just been ‘Topped’ by Hickory who somehow had sliced open her back hock.
Needles to say more time was spent with the vet and I have come to the conclusion that just as there is sibling rivalry animals must have it to!