Things that go bump

While scrolling through funny memes I was reminded of an event that happened when I was a teenager- my parents had taken me to see Phantom of the Opera for my graduation present, and I had picked up a shirt with the phantoms mask – I was so excited to wear it to school the next day that I had laid it over a chair so the design wouldn’t crease before going to bed.

In the middle of the night I woke up – rolled over and found myself staring into a pale face! Many thoughts ran through my head – had someone broken into the house, was I going to be kidnaped, what could I grab to defend myself, could I at least put on clothes – and that’s when I realized I was looking at my new shirt. The mask part was glowing and it looked like someone was looking at me in the moonlight. 

I don’t leave that shirt out at night anymore.

You dog!

Today was full of excitement- must be the full moon- but I’m only going to tell you one story that happened.

My oldest is now living with us again and had a short work schedule so I allowed one of her dogs to stay home with my two. Percy, the tall -toothless- white borzoi is a good boy for the most part but I have had problems with him running into the highway  or off to the DWR property behind our neighbors house so when I heard horns blaring this morning I panic. I was afraid one of the dogs was in the road but I found all three dogs laying in the living room.

I relaxed and returned to making my breakfast. Toasted banana bread with butter. I had just replaced the butter when I heard more honking and braking tires. This was not good. I noticed that my neighbor’s cow from across the street had gotten free and was playing frogger with the morning traffic. I dropped everything and rushed out to take care of it- which was fairly easier than we thought it would be.

When I returned into the house I was greeted by an unexpected sight. Druid was laying in the living room licking the carpet crazily, Hickory was sniffing around, and Percy was standing in the kitchen looking guilty. Instantly I thought I had lost my breakfast to the three opportunist but the bread was still sitting on the counter. What was missing? The stick of butter – and when I tried to replace it – the culprit stepped forward and drooled for more!

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised- his mother liked to do the same thing. (aka- my oldest daughter)

Share the Bloody Love

Halloween is one of my most favorite times of the year, and like any bad seed, I like to mess with people, although I prefer to work on more lingering effects than just good ol’ scare tactics. Sure you can make people jump but for how long? I would rather instill a fear and allow their imaginations to create the nightmare. I guess having a mind that is overactive just makes me want to share that joy – Bwahahaha.

For those of you who also like to play mind games here are some of my recipes for disaster to trick your guest before you treat them.

SET-UP: in the dim light set up a tasting table. Give some creepy story as to why they are testing (witches/mad scientist/apothecary/etc.) and let the fun begin.

THINGS TO TEST: Head to your local grocery story and start looking for unusual things and textures then give them names that make it sound unworthy to taste. Here are some of my personal favorites that I have used through the years. If you have some that you like, please let know what they are and how they were received.

Spider Eggs Sacs – yogurt covert raisins
Bat Lunges – smoked oysters
Rotten Teeth – hominy
Bone Chips – water chestnuts
Maggots – canned mini shrimp
Demon Eyes – lemon heads or wasabi peas
Toxic Zombie Brains – cream cheese/sour cream/wasabi/avocado
Chopped Rat Tails – black licorice
Mice Brains – craisins
Mermaid Tears – tonic water
Dust of Broken Hearts – cream of tarter
Troll Dandruff – colored coconut flakes

Could Have Been

After getting a particularly short haircut, my naturally curly hair was showing off again, making me look like a mushroom. We were discussing the last time my husband had seen it this curly when my mind blurted out.

“I was wearing tight black spandex,” reminiscing about the time I was in Drill in High school.

My daughter’s friend who was with us at the time blurted right back.

“Were you robbing him?”

For the Love of Birds

While out doing my visiting teaching we were discussing the eagerness of spring and how ready we are for it. The conversation turned to last year’s lack of snow that caused us to have more animal sighting -like last year’s mountain lion – this year the coyotes were very vocal.

As we talked about the cycles that nature goes through my visiting companion and neighbor who lives directly behind me mentioned that she had seen a condor on my back pasture post.

I just about fell out of my chair. I asked if it was a California Condor? The description was given, and I could not contain my excitement. Let me share with you what I shared with them.

When I was young, I was given a chance to intern at the San Diego Wild Animal Park – as it was called in my day – thanks to my grandparent’s contribution and support. It just so happens that during this time they had recently started the condor recovery project and that some eggs had hatched. I was one of the few that got to feed with the puppet since we were not allowed to touched. I can still remember the loud screeches and squawking of all the birds.

About the time I graduated from high school the first condors had been released. And when my children were born they were just making it into Utah.

Here it was now over 30 years from my first meeting, and the condors had made it to my back yard in northern Utah. I couldn’t help but think, my baby had come home.

Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep

With all the snow we have been getting I was reminded of an event that happened while driving with my daughters on a snowy day.

We were coming home in our Ford Ranger  – Renee sitting in the middle between Kaylie and me on the bench seat – when the truck started to slide. I’m not trying to brag, but I’m a pretty good driver and know how to handle icy conditions but not when someone else takes the wheel!

Renee trying to find a way to stabilize herself grabbed the wheel and sent us spinning till the back tires hit and jumped the curb – high centering us. After the screaming and laughing had subsided, Renee swore she would never drive that truck in snowy weather.

I wonder how that’s coming! Bwahahaha!