Brain on Fire

If you ever get the chance to read or watch the story of Susannah Cahalan I would highly recommend it. It gives an interesting insight into psychiatric diagnoses. Although the story is not about mental illness it certainly covers the lack of knowledge and how quick doctors are to prescribe pills.

When I was first diagnosed they tried many different pills on me – I felt more like a Guinea pig than a patient, and my body rejected most of them. Human chemistry is a fascinating thing. What works for one person can fatally harm another. Thus the reason for so many different drugs out there for doctors to test on us. Surely if something is not working then change it – but remember that no one knows your body better than you do.

How hot was it

How the heat has effected our place.

The dogs – only go out to do business and then promptly retreat back into the house and onto the vents.

The chickens – when brought snacks will pick them up and run back to the shade; under the deck, in the pine tree, the broken sprinkler, and only come out for brief moments for substance.

The humans – only go outside when needed and when we do sweat off 10 pounds but quickly replace it with 10 gallons of liquid apron our returning indoors to rehydrate!

Lingering Dread

An event happened about two years ago between me and another individual that could have been handled better with communication. I felt bullied and accused of “taking advantage of the situation”. I understand the other persons point of view and I can see how they may have felt that way and I thought we could work well together but they never treated me with respect or gave me the dignity of a proper conversation- I always had to have my husband around.

Even now years later I still have anxiety around this person- I have tried to be polite and friendly but can never talk to them about anything more than the weather. I don’t have a need to be liked by everyone (not everyone is compatible) but I would like to not go into panic mode or have an anxiety attack around people I’m not compatible with. Is that to much to ask?

Pain in the …

I was describing my bipolar affects to my father-in-law and how it effects my physical wellbeing.

Me: You know how you hear about the ones that totally loose it and take it out on others- that’s not me. I barely have the strength to get out of bed. You’re safe around me.

(Side note: I’m usually between a 5 or 8 during my lows and my health just falls apart- like old injuries start acting up; aka rib, strange cough, allergies.)